The Ricciardi Letter Part 2

The Ricciardi Letter Part 2

Continual Improvement One night I learned the hard way about my pig-headedness regarding Ricciardi’s methods. We had just finished teaching a young couple and on the bike ride home Ricciardi wanted to discuss how the lesson went and what we could do to improve. Ricciardi always wanted to review “how we did” right after a discussion and I often struggled with that because for most of my high school years I felt I was good at most everything I attempted. And now I found myself in a foreign land, granted I did not have to learn a new language, but there are areas I served in where I literally could not understand a darn thing people were saying. To complicate matters, Elder Ricciardi was learning English on the fly himself. One time he wanted to “tactfully” tell me I had not done the best job in a discussion we had just taught. Here is how it was conveyed to me: “Elder Humphrey…how you say…the discussion was…let me think…what you say to them…how you say…very terrible…yes, thank you, you much very terrible”. Sorry, but I was already down about how bad I was at missionary work, and on top of that his version of tactful feedback was “much very terrible”? I am sorry, I can only take so much abuse from the general public and now I have to hear broken English feedback? So you can appreciate my constant avoidance of his “very much tactfully wonderful” observation and feedback (which is what we called it back then).During the meeting with the couple we had just taught, I had totally messed up and made a very stupid and insensitive comment about the Catholic Church AND the Church of England, so I knew his desire to give feedback was an undercover exercise to tell me that I left a “very much terrible” impression upon our investigators that night. So I replied “no, don’t need to talk about the discussion, I felt great about it”. He again tried to gently nudge me into a conversation as we got on our bikes. I took off like a rocket, I was in pretty good shape, and I felt that a good half mile distance would be the ticket. Forgetting he was Italian (they are bike riding maniacs) he caught up in no time and again attempted to give feedback. I became childish and started saying “sorry, can’t hear you, I’m busy right now thinking about life”. He finally stopped talking, and our bike ride to our flat (aka apartment) for the next 30 minutes was peaceful. When we finished companion prayers, I jumped in my bed and turned away from Ricciardi so he wouldn’t attempt another “feedback attack”. He turned the light on and came over to the side of my bed to talk.Thoughts on “Caring Enough”I warned him “Elder Ricciardi, I don’t want to talk about the discussion”. He said “I don’t either”. So I sat up. “What do you want?” I said. Ricciardi replied “I want nothing…….but to ask you one quick question”. What he said next I was not expecting. He said “Elder Humphrey, there are two reasons missionaries get along as a companionship. 1) When they are working together to be humble, obedient, and loving the people as a companionship. In other words, they are doing what is right together. HOWEVER, the second reason Missionaries will also get along is if they are both doing the wrong things together, as a companionship. Not getting up on time, not studying, breaking mission rules.” I remember thinking “where is the question in all this?” Ricciardi then lowered his tone of voice and said “I believe when missionaries do not get along, when they fight and argue, it is because one missionary wants to do what is right, and the other doesn’t care”. He then asked me the deadly question. “We do not get along Elder, so I ask you tonight; please tell me which missionary you are, the one who wants to do right, or the one who does not care? Because if you believe that you are trying to do what is right, then I am the one choosing what is wrong, and I need to change so we can be one…goodnight Elder.”I was floored. Normally that kind of talk from Ricciardi would set me off into a rage, but I felt the spirit. In fact, I laid there and tears came to my eyes. I had mocked Ricciardi for so many of his “methods”. Here are some examples: when we would reach a neighborhood he would pull out the street map and we would pray right there in the middle of the street for guidance, I thought that was silly. Sometimes he would stop our bike ride to a previously designated neighborhood and pray, right there in traffic with people staring at us. He would ask the Lord “are we going to the right neighborhood?” Then we would turn around to another destination and I would be so mad about backtracking 4 miles. I found these and many other of his habits so annoying and over the top. But I knew that night, that the answer to his question was that I was the missionary not caring enough. That conversation actually transformed me as a companion, because I was embarrassed that I had been so disrespectful to him. In the deepest part of my heart, I knew he truly meant well in all his endeavors. I resented his spirituality and boldness because I was not sufficiently humble enough to acknowledge that I was nowhere near this guy in the spirituality department. Not close in terms of dedication, or his love for the people of England. Big moment for me…very big. I woke up the next morning and became kind, and stopped making what was already hard work so much harder for a companion who cared so much. I wanted us to get along for the right reasons. You know what? I almost immediately became happier. The work was still hard, the disappointment still came, but I stopped fighting Elder Ricciardi, and I began to feel myself becoming better.The Sources of All Fear You know, there were days even when I was out 18 months that I would wake up in the morning and not feel like talking to people. You would think a seasoned, veteran missionary 18 months under his belt would have conquered the fear by now. Satan never gives up trying to discourage missionaries from getting out and seeing the people. That is what a mission is all about…seeing the people. The adversary’s greatest tool is fear. The greatest killer of missionaries is fear. It is important that you know as a fact, that fear is not a tool of God or his son Jesus Christ. It is a tool of the devil, and Satan alone. Become self-aware as a missionary. You must be able to self-diagnose that when feelings of fear arise, you are being played by the devil.I remember about a week after arriving in England Elder Ricciardi took me into the town center of Loughborough to street contact. We would split up (obviously still within eye contact of each other) and stop people in the open air malls downtown. I was absolutely terrified. I at least enjoyed the fact that when knocking doors some people would not answer the door, or not be home. But in the town center, there was no way out. People were everywhere, and I was to stop them. Two hours went by and I hadn’t stopped anyone. I had given halfhearted attempts, but nothing had come of it and I was becoming depressed and discouraged. Elder Ricciardi noticed this and came over to me. “Let’s take a walk” he said, and we left the town center. Elder Ricciardi, forgetting we were not in Italy (where it is common for two grown men to hold hands in a show of friendship) grabbed my hand. There we were, walking to the local park holding hands. England is a liberal enough place that no one thought twice about it. When we got to the park we sat on a bench and Ricciardi asked me a question. “Elder, do you know who you are?” I thought this was one of those typical Sunday school questions, so I gave the typical answer, “a child of God.” He laughed and opened his Book of Mormon to 3Nephi 5:13. “Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life”. After I read the verse, he turned to me and said “you are a disciple of Christ! You have been called to declare his word to his people! Elder, you fear no man!” Something about those words got me pumped up! I literally felt the fear melt away. In fact, I actually decided to say the words myself “I fear no man!” with a fist pump to boot. We marched back into town to continue the street contacting (didn’t need to hold hands on the way back). I stood next to the entrance of a health club and committed myself to stop the next person to walk out. In no time at all, the fear that had paralyzed me came RIGHT BACK. I stood there and let the next five or six people pass by while my battle with Satan resumed. In the Church we always comment on Laman and Lemuel and their wickedness. We view them as so opposite to Nephi, who is so strong, muscular (at least in the Book of Mormon pictures he is), tan, bold, fearless. What we don’t remember is that even though Laman and Lemuel saw angels, even smitten by angels, it did not take them long to forget the miracles and go right back to their old doubting selves. I actually have some sympathy for them, in the sense that here I was fresh off a powerful spiritual boost from Elder Ricciardi, and for about 10 minutes I was right back in the epicenter of fear. But I recognized it, and convinced myself that I must break this grip even at the risk of saying something stupid. Finally, I stopped a big brawny body builder. I stumbled through my dialogue and sounded like an absolute rookie, and then he responded to my fumbling with a shocking “yes” to the invitation to share a discussion with him. His name was Steve Gligoriavich from Yugoslavia. He accepted the Gospel over the next three weeks. Baptizing him was fun, because his huge frame made a splash that got some people in the first row wet. When the curtains to the font closed, he also did a “no, no” by sitting in the font like a hot tub and asked if he could just hang out for a while to take it all in. I told him “sure…the only thing waiting on the other side of that curtain was a bunch of his friends and Church members, and oh by the way, the gift of the Holy Ghost. He got right out.Street Meetings…Elder Ricciardi was fond of street meetings in the town center. Every so often we would set up shop in the town center at a corner known for public preaching. The Mission President had mandated that no street meetings be held by missionaries due to the Bible bashing it promoted. That did not stop Elder Ricciardi. I never participated because I was A) too scared and B) felt it was so embarrassing to watch, let alone participate. One day while traveling to a town on the fringe of our area, we waited at a packed bus stop in a town called Barrow Upon Soar. I said, “Elder Ricciardi, why do you hold those street meetings, I feel they are embarrassing and that we are making fools of ourselves.” No sooner had I finished sharing my thoughts, he stood up on a nearby vacant bench and introduced himself to the crowd of 60 or so waiting for buses. “We are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints....” We did well that day handing out copies of the Book of Mormon. No one got baptized (that we know of), but we did teach some discussions. He stood up on that bench to do the very thing I was criticizing him for, to reinforce the fact that our challenge as missionaries for 2 years is simple, we are to see people, and when we are not seeing people, we are to try to see people. After the bus stop incident, I never again complained about street meetings, knowing full well the mere mention would send him to the nearest group of bystanders, even if it was just to prove to me that to preach is to stare what we fear most right in the face. Ricciardi once said “if you want to punch Satan in the mouth………..open your mouth and preach”.“The Field is White…” (keeping commitments)One day while door knocking we met the most amazing Scottish couple in the town of Loughborough. They were “golden”, which was a missionary term for “if there was a font in the backyard this was happening now”. No resistance at the door. Ricciardi didn’t have to kick the door in with his usual tactics. We told them we had a message about the gospel of Jesus Christ we wanted to teach them. They said “we love Jesus, please share it with us”. Honestly, after all the door to door abuse I had taken for as long as I had been in England, I almost wanted to cry as this cute couple in their late 20’s with two darling little girls just beamed. At one point while I was teaching about Joseph Smith I felt the spirit so strongly that I very unconventionally blurted out “this feels so good I want to cry” and I did cry. They smiled, and even said that they had been looking for a Church to join in the area since they had moved to Loughborough from Edinburgh, Scotland. We came back for the 2nd discussion, committed them to a baptismal date, and completed the other 4 discussions. Unfortunately 3 or 4 baptismal dates came and went over the next 2 months. So on one visit to their home Elder Ricciardi shocked me once again with his utter boldness. He said to the husband “We love you, but you are not keeping any commitments which we give you. We are grateful you continue to see us, listen to our lessons, but I am convinced that you simply like just having us around. The problem is we cannot hang around. There is too much work to do in finding the Lord’s elect, because they hear his voice and follow him.”The Husband and wife looked confused, then upset, no doubt offended to essentially be called the “Un-Elect” by Elder Ricciardi. Not only were they uncomfortable, but I was now ready to wring my own companions neck right in front of our investigators (I am not exaggerating). They went ahead and decided to not have any more visits and even gave the copy of the Book of Mormon back, which we insisted they keep. Then Ricciardi let them know how much we loved them, and that there was nothing to be offended by. They were not ready, and that was ok, because someday they will be, and when that day comes Ricciardi asked that they promise to at least hear the message again as many times as necessary for them to feel spiritually compelled to the ultimate show of commitment: baptism.As we exited their home, right there on the street 5 feet from their porch, I angrily grabbed Ricciardi and told him he was surely going to hell for slamming shut the gate to baptism on this wonderful couple. We did not speak the remaining bike ride back to the flat. The next morning in companion study Elder Ricciardi read the following scripture from D&C 4:4 “For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul” Ricciardi said “Elder, I know you’re angry, but the scripture does not say the field is yellow ready to plant, brown ready to water, it says white, ready to harvest. We are harvesters Elder. I replied “Ricciardi, D&C 18:10 says remember the worth of souls is great in the eyes of God… every soul…” His answer, as always, surprised me. “Elder Humphrey, it is the worth of souls that has you and me on missions in the first place. We could have spent all our time together with that “Golden family” every day, making them feel good, them making us feel like we are getting missionary work done. The problem is, there are so many other souls ready to harvest, that it is our duty as missionaries to immediately move on to harvesting. Not planting, but harvesting.” “Were they a waste of our time?” I asked. “Absolutely not Elder, because we have learned lessons about the importance of investigators keeping commitments that will bless us in our harvesting efforts going forward. They have learned the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. Their time will come, but not with us as their teachers…we must move on”.Some major lessons came out of this experience with Ricciardi. I learned to put in a concentrated effort at helping our investigators keep commitments. There were times I thought Elder Ricciardi was way too hard on investigators about not reading when they had made a commitment to us that they would. When an investigator would say, “I was too busy, etc, etc.” I would simply say “no problem; try to read before the next visit." Ricciardi despised the word “try”. After a particularly testy visit with investigators who I felt Ricciardi was too hard on for not reading, I rebuked him on the bike ride home. He asked me to explain why we give investigators commitments in the first place. I responded with many answers which he acknowledged were all “sort of right”. However he wanted me to change my thinking about commitments. He felt that commitments were given to investigators so that they could have opportunities to feel the spirit when the missionaries are not around. He felt it was easy for investigators to feel good around two young clean cut, smart, religious persons like missionaries. It’s easy to admire the sacrifice of young people who would give up 18 to 24 months in the prime of their youth. But the challenge comes in getting investigators to feel the spirit in those private moments alone, reading marked passages, praying to the Lord, pondering the commitment to be baptized, giving up the coffee, asking the girlfriend/boyfriend to move out to adhere to laws of sexual purity, paying that first tithe. It is in these private moments that people realize when they do what they are asked, the feelings that come when the missionaries visit, and leaves when the missionaries leave, can actually continue to dwell with them, on their own, when the missionaries are not around. Yearning for The Spirit a yearning to have this feeling all the time begins to swell within the investigator, and then the invitation to baptism becomes a natural progression rather than a nerve racking request by the missionaries. This is why that “Golden Family from Scotland” I referred to earlier, at the end of the day never got baptized. They loved having us around, in my anxiousness as a new missionary I simply wanted to stay friends long enough for them to join the church. Ricciardi was so right. When investigators keep commitments, especially the little commitments, they learn that the spirit can be with them even when the missionaries are not around. That is when conversion occurs, then they “walk into the font” rather than being pushed. When the investigator reads passages, prays on their own, ponders what they have been taught and are reading alone, their good feelings (the spirit) move them from feeling “obligated to the missionaries”. They begin to ask themselves “how can I have these feelings with me always”. It is a desire to keep those good feelings with them indefinitely. It is conversion by the spirit, and not the personalities or admiration of the missionaries. Don’t misunderstand, your personality and their admiration for your sacrifice opens the door, but the path of your investigator must be walked with a desire born of the spirit. It begins with keeping those little commitments to read and pray. If we returned to an investigators home to teach a 2nd lesson and they had not read, we would read with them instead and postpone the lesson to next time. If they had not prayed, we would pray with them. The goal with commitments like these is that they must do it on their own.